* a note to the reader: I swear a bit in this post … if you’re not ok with that, that’s ok … just giving fair warning …
I want you to know that it’s OK.
That you’re OK.
If you feel anxious, worried, scared sometimes … if you feel like you’re moving from a place of fear or survival mode or something like that – it’s OK.
It’s OK to freak out – sometimes or a lot of the time. Fear is normal. We all have it. And we all experience it same same but different … and we all often judge others as being more courageous or fearless or capable of handling it than our own selves.
Here is a secret: for those of you who know me well … it can seem on the outside that I’m brave, courageous, that I have guts … that I’m fearless (or at least that I have my shit together) … I mean I guess that’s maybe what it looks like on the outside sometimes, but let me tell you something … how many people do you know advertise the moments when we are insecure, blubbering, terrified children? I know I don’t!
When I have my moments of pure and sheer terror (and they do happen believe me!), my first instinct is not to proclaim it to the world but instead hide it in a dark little box and stuff it away somewhere where I (and no one else) can see it. This is what we all do … all be it in different ways and forms, however very few of us like to really look at that stuff, let alone announce it and deal with it in a very public and judgy way.
But what I’ve come to see is that gives us a really unbalanced perspective of real life and really how we deal with fear.
I’ll let you in on a secret most people don’t know about me: I get scared a lot. Most of the shit I do gives me anxiety in some form or another … from climbing mountains, to driving across Mexico (twice), learning to surf, running my own business, writing these words and sharing them on the internet for all to see (and judge) … scares the fucking shit out of me!
So why do I do it?
We can’t get rid of fear, but we can learn about it … study it … develop a loving and kind relationship with it. This has been my life’s learning: the interface of fear and my purest being … learning the edges and boundaries … witnessing my own growth and expansion of capacity.
Fear is a shapeshifting creature and one of my greatest teachers. It has taught me the meaning of courage: to act from the heart … to listen to the soul … to lean into the spaces that are uncomfortable and that tell me “you can’t” “it’s too hard” “It’s impossible” …
It has taught me that life is an act of faith and that we get to choose in what we put our faith in. Love? Courage? Peace? Grace? Compassion?
What do YOU believe in?
Where do YOU put YOUR faith?
I decided a long time ago that I was going to choose to put my faith in LOVE. The unconditional kind … the abundant, pure, always-there-no-matter-what kind. The kind that I (and we) are made of.
It’s a practice. And I’ll be honest, it’s not an easy one, but it’s worth it.
And I struggle sometimes … a lot … but I also find power, strength, resilience there … and so, so much more …
I also learned something else along the way: I am a really awesome teacher and guide for others. The work that I have done and the places I have been to have been incredible vehicles to help others on their paths.
I’ve had the incredible opportunity to work with and touch deeply the lives of others … helping them reconnect – remember, really – their own anchors of faith and capacities … faith in themselves … trust in themselves … permission to be in fear … knowing they had a solid guide who has been there, back, and there again and again … and keeps coming through to the other side over and over again.
So I share my story … that’s why I dig deep into my own places of discomfort and terror … because maybe, just maybe, you who are reading this are touched. Maybe you are looking for a guide to help you climb your own mountains or navigate your own dark woods … or maybe you just need to hear this … read this … and know you’re not alone in the journey.
In any case, I wish you love … I wish you the courage and all of the faith it takes to steer your own course … and if you are looking for a guide to help you navigate the raging rapids, come hell or high water, know that it’s ok to ask for one. Know that no matter what … you are OK.
xoxo,
Jenn